


Phantoms Without Time

by Kay_Drew, monroe_militia



Category: Game of Silence (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-04 06:43:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6645634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kay_Drew/pseuds/Kay_Drew, https://archiveofourown.org/users/monroe_militia/pseuds/monroe_militia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gil and Jessie head to the hospital to visit Shawn. However, things don't go according to plan. When the elevator breaks down, and with it Gil, the past and present collide when none other Jackson Brooks becomes Gil's ER doctor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Gil found it ironic that Shawn had to have his tonsils removed. His brother never shut up and Gil loved him for it, even if it could get annoying from time to time. Shawn’s words filled the silence and it made it easier not to think about the past. He could be in the moment and everything would feel normal. When Shawn wasn’t talking the quiet was deafening.

The silence was something Gil hated. It made his skin crawl and heart beat a mile a minute. So Gil was beyond relieved that Jessie had moved in a couple weeks ago. Not only did the two of them have a night to themselves in their own home, having their own meal that Gil specially prepared for the occasion (spaghetti and meatballs with red wine) but she filled the quietness. “You snored, babe,” Gil joked as they waited for the elevator. He glanced over at Jessie and grinned. But behind the grin, there was tension and apprehension. Why couldn’t they just take the stairs? 

“I don’t see how I could have been snoring when you were keeping me awake all night,” she accused in a teasing tone. It wasn’t that she hadn’t shared a bed with Gil before, but it was going to take some getting used to falling asleep and waking up beside him every morning. She wondered if he hadn’t been able to sleep because she was there or because he was worried about Shawn. She hoped that Shawn’s surgery was all it was that had him so on edge now. “You know, people get their tonsils removed all the time. He’s going to be fine.”

Gil cocks his head back. “Are you insinuating that I snored when we finally went to bed? How dare you. Shame. Shame. I’m as quiet as a mouse,” he retorted in mock annoyance. He did snore - at least when he slept he snored. Thanks to Boots, there was video proof of that fact. Chewing on his lip, Gil looked back at the door. God, he hated waiting for things he did not like and he really did not like elevators. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m not worried about Shawnie,” Gil explained. “I just… I’d rather take the stairs is all. Can’t we? You’re always saying I need to get some more exercise. Let’s start here.” But the doors bing open. They’d be getting on. Just great. 

“It’s just a few floors,” Jessie told him. Gil had been pressuring her to drive faster the whole way over. For someone who was in such a rush to see Shawn, he sure seemed hesitant about it now. “It’ll be a lot faster this way. Come on.”

She stepped into the elevator and paused with her finger over the button to Shawn’s floor as she waited for Gil to step inside. “If it’s that bad, we can take the stairs on the way down.” Somehow she doubted that Gil would be willing to commit to exercising later, but nonetheless she added, “And I’m glad you’re finally warming up to the idea of exercising.”

It’s just a few floors. It’s just a few floors. You can do this, Harris, Gil thought on repeat. It would be the mantra he’d have until they were safely on the fifth floor. Five floors were nothing. He could do this. And she was right - the elevator was faster and he really did want to see Shawnie. He just really did not want to ride an elevator. “Thanks, Jessie,” he whispered, getting on after her. “And of course. Gotta keep the ol’ ticker healthy, eh?”

Gil went to the side, but kept as close as possible to the doors. He wanted to be out the second they arrived to their destination. “Why did they put him on the fifth floor? How many stories is this hospital anyway?” Gil rambled as he reached for the guard rail and clung on for dear life. “There’s rooms on the first floor.”

Jessie placed her hand on top of his to reassure him. Her tone was light as she commented, “You’re right. Next time one of us is in the hospital we should request a room on the ground level for easier access, right? I’m sure they don’t have any kind of system in place for where to put their patients.”

“I like your style,” Gil told her. He glanced away from the doors for just a moment and kissed her on the lips. They’d be okay. This was a little ride - nothing big or even dangerous. All would be fine. 

She glanced at the light above the doors as they passed from the third to the fourth floor. Just as she was about to tell him that they were almost there, the elevator lurched and came to a sudden stop.

“What the hell happened? Jessie? Why did we stop?” he asked as they jerked to a stop. He moved away from the wall and to the buttons. With a sweaty fingertip, he pressed the ‘door open’ button. Then he pressed the button for the fifth floor. After that didn’t work, he tried the fourth. “Why won’t it open?”

Apparently they should have taken the stairs. “I’m sure it’s fine. It’s stuck, but they’ll probably have someone here soon.” It was a little inconvenient for sure, but there were people trained to get them out of just this situation. “We’re in a busy hospital. I’m sure someone will notice that the elevator’s stuck.” Jessie pulled out her cell phone, but of course she couldn’t get a signal. “I mean, how long could it take? Right?”

“Fine? How the hell could this be fine?” Gil squeaked. The profanity sprang from his lips with abandon. This was not fine. He began to pace, eyes darting from wall to wall but never looking at Jessie. “This is not fine. I shouldn’t be here. Shawnie needs me.”

“Shawn’s fine,” Jessie insisted. “He’s with his doctors and I’m sure he’ll understand why we got held up.” She knew that Gil was anxious to see Shawn, but it still didn’t warrant this kind of a reaction. What was going on with him?

“No, he’s not! He’s hurting and he’s sick. Shawnie needs me, Jessie. He needs me you got that?” he whimpered, blinking. The other boys were so mean to Shawn, especially when he was away.Why would this place be any different? 

He added a rocking motion to his pacing as repressed memories brought him back to the past. He shouldn’t have been there - at the party. He shouldn’t be in the elevator, either. “I need to get out of here. It’s taking too long.”

“We’ve only been stuck for a minute,” she told him as she took an unsure step closer to him. “I’m sure someone is coming for us, but you’ve got to give them time to get here. Okay?”

Only a minute? That couldn’t be! It had to have been at least a half hour. It felt that way at least. “There isn’t time. You got that,” Gil whispered, moving away from the buttons (they weren’t doing anything to help). He went to the door and slapped it. “Come on! Open up. Open up! Hey! We’re stuck in here.”

Jessie decided to switch strategies. Clearly trying to talk sense wasn’t the most effective technique at the moment. He wanted out faster and the only way that was going to happen was if people knew they were in there. She hesitated for a moment before joining him and hitting the door, lighter than he had, and adding onto his screams. “Is anyone out there? The elevator’s stuck!”

Gil glared at the door. It should have opened. Someone should have come. He moved back to the panel of buttons. The little bell sign glared up at him as he balled his hand up and punched it so hard the plastic cracked. He let out an anguished yelp and slid to the ground. 

The fight and the anger left him as he hunkered there waiting for the inevitable. Gil shook. Sweat beaded on his flushed brow and heart raced. “Why?” he whispered, looking up at Jessie, Why did this have to happen? 

Jessie crouched down at his side and brushed the hair stuck to his forehead out of the way as she responded, “I don’t know, but we’re going to be alright. You’ve just got to trust me.” She moved to meet his eyes as she told him, “Forget about where we are. Just focus on your breathing. You’re going to be okay.”

Gil shook his head. No, he wasn’t going to be okay. He was never going to be okay. How could he when an elevator sent him spiraling back into the past? How could he when he’d blocked parts of his past because they were so horrific? “Can’t breathe,” he sputtered. His chest felt tight, like someone squeezed his ribs a little too hard. 

She thought she could hear something outside the door, but she didn’t want to tell Gil. Not yet. If people really had figured out they were in there or were trying to help, it probably was going to take some time and she preferred Gil calm to panicked and prying at the doors like he was expecting to develop super-strength and open them himself.

“No, Gil. You can breathe,” she argued. “You just need to concentrate on that. Just breathe. In an out.” Okay, maybe he wasn’t the only one starting to freak out a little now.

Gil forced himself to swallow, but it made him choke. He tried again and did a little better, but not much. Then the doors opened and light poured through along with emergency personnel.

“Everything okay in here?” one of their rescuers asked as she looked from Gil to Jessie and back again. “Is anyone hurt? Anyone?” 

“I don’t know,” Jessie admitted with panic in her tone. “He can’t breathe, but I mean. It didn’t happen when the elevator stopped. It just started.”

“We’ll have him check out. Don’t worry,” she assured the woman. “Sir, I’m going to put this in your nose. It’s just oxygen. It’ll help you breathe. OK?” She held up the oxygen tube. Once Gil nodded, she hooked it to his nose. She then put on the BP cuff, oxygen reader, and listened to his heart and lungs. “BP 140 over 100. Pulse 120.”

Jessie took a step back to give the woman space to help him, then glanced over at the small crowd that had formed around them. She was surprised to spot a face that looked strangely familiar. She couldn’t be sure, but she thought it was him. “Jackson?”


	2. Chapter 2

_I knew that on no-uncertain terms that Gil would crack. He’s a short fuse ready to go – to go boom. And, damnit, I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to see it happen. It’s not that I don’t care. I do. I really, really do. I cared too much about Gil to stay close. I couldn’t see him fall. It’s why I distanced myself from him – from all of them. Yet, here I am hovering over Gil. He looks like he’s about to crack_ , Jackson thought.

 

He was concerned for his friend – very concerned. Those numbers were not good.  “We need to get him to the ER,” Jackson barked. “We’ll do a full work up and see what’s up? We will help him, Jessie. Gil. It’s going to be fine. I got your back. Jessie, you okay?”

 

She tore her eyes away from Gil and turned to look at Jackson again. After a moment’s pause, she told him, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just worried about Gil. One second he was fine and then the next…” She trailed off. “Just take good care of him for me.”

 

“Don’t worry. It’s my job. He’ll be fine,” Jackson assured her as they loaded Gil onto a stretcher. He didn’t know if that was true or not, but as a doctor it was his job to take care of both patients and their loved ones. Panicked people made for a bad situation. As they headed to down to the ER, he stopped the woman who’d been helping Gil moments before. “Nurse Jennings, do not use restraints on him whatever you do. Got it?”

 

He then turned his attention back to Jessie as they too departed the elevator. “While the nurses get him settled, can you give me a bit of history? Any allergies? What are his symptoms?” He knew those questions seemed cold, but he had to ask. It was the only way to treat him.

 

“What? What are you talking about?” Jessie demanded. “This is Gil we’re talking about, not some stranger. You know he doesn’t have any allergies. And he doesn’t have a history beyond what you’d already know. At least not that he’s told me about. We were in the elevator and it got stuck and he started panicking and insisting that he needed to get out and then it just got worse and I don’t know if he was having a panic attack or what, but suddenly he couldn’t breathe.”

 

“Damnit, Jessie! I’m trying to do my job. It’s been twenty-five years. A lot can happen between then and now,” Jackson replied, tried not to shout. Yelling would not help anything and it definitely would not be professional. But he was scared - scared to lose his friend and scared that his friends were back in his life. “I just want to help him, okay. I am going to help him. Is there anything else?”

 

“Yeah, a lot can happen,” she agreed. “But you knew that already. Didn’t you, Doctor?” She wanted to help, but she was getting fed up. Jackson left them. If he had been around he would know about what had been going on with Gil. He would have been able to help without having to ask. Jessie struggled to think of anything that was important, but her mind was clouded by her concern for her boyfriend. “I don’t know. I don’t think there’s anything else, but Shawn would know. He’s here too. We were on our way to visit him when we got stuck.”

 

Jackson nodded. “Yeah, I do. Jess, and I’m sorry. I’m here now and that’s what matters the most, right?” he asked. Shawn was here? That was news to him, although he was an ER doctor. He didn’t know who all the patients were in this hospital. “I’ll go see him later after I get Gil stabilized.”

 

Jessie gave in a little before she said, “Thanks. I think he would like seeing you again.”

 

He pulled away from Jessie and headed to Gil’s bedside. His BP and pulse were still high. He was still sweating. If they didn’t get things under control soon, Gil could have a heart attack. “Gil? Gil, buddy. You’re okay. You’re okay,” he whispered. “I’m going to take care of you.”

 

Gil fought the words. He shook his head. He couldn’t be here. He should be with Shawn. Shawn needed him. “No,” he panted. “Don’t want your help.”

 

“Yeah, well, you need it right now. So too bad,” Jackson offered. “How about this? I help you now and then once I know that you’re okay, then you can argue with me.”

 

Gil would have glared, but he couldn’t. He just felt like throwing up. “That place. Too small. It was...Quitman all over again,” Gil stammered. He knew he could open up to Jackson. He knew Jackson would understand. He might be furious with his friend, but Gil couldn’t hold the words in. “And Shawnie needed me and we were trapped, Jackie. We were trapped.”

 

“But it wasn’t Quitman, Gil,” Jackson whispered. “Okay. You’re never going to have to go back there. I promise. You’re safe here and I know that Shawn’s in good hands here too. You’re not trapped anymore. You got out, alright? _We_ got out.”

 

“Good as! Good as Quitman,” he fought back. The tears wanted to flow, but they stopped right on his lashed and didn’t fall (yet). “I never left, Jackie. You never left. None of us did! We’re still there. We will always be there. You know that. They took it all from us. We’re never gonna be free.” Even in his agitated state he knew the words didn’t make a lot of sense. He hoped that Jackson see the deeper meaning.  Gil didn’t have the stamina or will to be crystal clear.

 

“I know. You know I know,” Jackson assured him, trying to hide the desperation in his tone. “But they can’t get to you here. I’m going to look out for you. As soon as I know that you’re doing okay  I’m going to go check on Shawn. Alright?” He knew that Gil had every right to be mad.

 

He was mad too. Jackson was angry about everything that they had gone through at Quitman. He hated that, as much as he pretended to be over it, he still carried it with him. Gil coming here had ripped the band-aid off to reveal a new fresh wound. And now, somehow, he was supposed to jump right back into his old role. He needed to be strong for Gil, but he wasn’t sure he knew how to anymore.

 

Gil swallowed and nodded. His lips quivered. Jackson knew what he meant; that was a relief. “Yeah. I know. Don’t tell him when you go see him,” he rasped. Gil didn’t want any more people worrying about him. Having a couple nurses, Jackson, Jessie, and who knows else see that was embarrassing enough. “Jackie, I want to be out. I want to be out. I want to forget those parties! They took me late at night, did you know? They took me and put me in closets and….I don’t know what else, but they did stuff. Bad stuff.”

 

“Sure. I won’t tell him anything,” Jackson agreed. He hated seeing Gil like this and he knew that Gil wouldn’t want Shawn finding out and getting concerned about him. “And I know. I hate them for what they did. If anyone’s going to try to do anything they’re going to have to come through me. I’ve got your back. Always.”

 

Gil scrubbed away the tears with his sleeve. He took shaky breaths, trying to calm himself. Now out of that elevator, he was feeling a little better. At least his chest didn’t feel like it was being squeezed in two. A glance at his vitals would confirm this. Heart rate was still up, but it wasn’t nearly as high. “I want them to pay,” he whispered as a nurse attached an EKG to Gil’s chest. He stared at the paper as it spit out of the machine for Jackson to read it. “I want all of them to pay.”

 

Jackson glanced around the room, checking to make sure no one was looking. “I know. Look, can we talk about this later?” Or better yet, never. Jackson wanted them to pay for it. He wasn’t going to lie and pretend like he hadn’t fantasized about all them of dead for what they’d done. Yet, the fact of the matter was that there was nothing they could do about it. Not unless they wanted to stoop just as low or tell everyone about what had happened. It was clear that Gil was not going to be a fan of that option.

 

Gil glared at Jackson. Of course he wanted to put it off. He always put this whole thing off. Later wasn’t an option (at least not for Gil). “Sure. Whatever, doc,” he replied, dropping his hand onto his blanketed lap. “So, uh… what’s wrong with me? And can Jessie come in? She’s probably worried sick. We’re, uh, dating...” Gil was not good at changing topics, but there wasn’t any other option unless they stayed in an awkward silence.

 

Jackson hated disappointing Gil like this.  It was clear that the other man was back to trying to shut him out, so he decided to focus on what little he could do to try to help. “Well, then, I guess I’m happy for you both. You two deserve someone like each other and you’re going to be fine. You just had a panic attack. I’ll go get her for you.”

 

“Thanks. We are. I love her. She doesn’t know what went down in Quitman. She almost did back in that elevator,” Gil told Jackson, not looking at his brother. Instead the focus was on the tent of fabric at the end of the bed. When Jackson said he’d be okay, Gil just shrugged. It didn’t feel like it. “Some panic attack. Thanks.” Gil plopped his head back and sighed - defeated.

 

“You’re welcome.” Jackson understood why Gil hadn’t told Jessie. He hadn’t told Marina about any of it and they were engaged. It just wasn’t the kind of thing that you wanted someone to find out. It wasn’t the kind of thing that was easy to tell. He hesitated for a moment before he told his old friend, “I’ll go get Jessie.” Gil clearly would rather be around her and she had clearly been worried about him. With one last reassuring smile Jackson turned to head for the door.

 

“None of us have talked. Boots, Shawn, me I’m guessing you too. We agreed after all. Not much for me to tell. Hell, Jackson, a lot of it’s spotty,” Gil explained. He didn’t need to and he knew it, but at the same time he felt the urge to do so. “I don’t want her worrying about back then or about me… now.” He sighed and reached for his water as he waited to see Jessie.

 

Jessie stepped into the room and her features relaxed when she saw Gil breathing normally. “You had me worried there, you know,” she told him. A small smile tugged at her lips as she added, “I knew you needed exercise, but I didn’t think you needed it bad enough to get winded taking the elevator.”

 

Gil opened his mouth to talk, but the water dribbled out. Swallowing, he grinned sheepishly at her. “I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to,” he appologized, unsure what to say next. “Yeah, me either. I guess I should go by that bicycle I’ve been eyeing?” Was bicycling even a good exercise? Hell if he knew.  

 

“Maybe you should,” Jessie agreed. She knew that he’d already had a tough enough day so she added, “But I’m willing to give you a pass for a few days and I know of another way you could get a little exercise too.”

 

“Thanks Babe. I’m not sick. It’s just a panic attack. I’m just sorry I freaked out on you like that,” he apologized. Yeah, he knew panic attacks weren’t ‘just’ anything. They were a big deal. But, Gil didn’t want to see them that way. “Oh really? Do tell…”

 

“It’s not your fault. I’m just glad you’re okay,” Jessie gushed as she placed a hand on his shoulder. “And I’ll do one better than tell you. I’ll show you when we get home.”

 

“Yeah, me too. I thought maybe a boa constrictor had wrapped itself around me. I couldn’t breathe, Jessie,” he admitted. “I told you...I don’t like elevators. But I like you.” He grinned up at her. The anti-anxiety medicine they’d put in his IV was making him feel loopy.

 

She let out a laugh. “Well good because I like you too,” she whispered.“And I’ll tell you what. Next time we can definitely take the stairs.”

 

“Yay! Exercise,” Gil said. OK, maybe he was a little more than just loopy. He was on cloud nine. “Can we start now? Walk home?”

 

“I think you might be a little out of it for that,” she commented. “And someone should go see Shawn and explain why we got held up before we go home. That’s the whole reason we’re here. Remember?” Whatever was in that medicine must be working if it had managed to get Gil to calm down enough that he was no longer frantically insisting that Shawn needed him.

 

“Of course I remember. Let’s get going then!” Gil suggested, sitting up in the bed. At least he tried to. The room spun. Whatever they gave him made everything like the morning after a blender.”Or maybe you should. I don’t think give flights is doable right now. Tell Shawn no closets.”

 

She wasn’t sure what that meant, but she figured she’d humor him. “Alright, I’ll pass that on and then I’ll come back for you. But first, you get in bed. Now. I don’t want to come back to you lying in the middle of the floor.”

 

“He’ll know what it means,” Gil mumbled, plopping down on the bed. “See? I’m sitting. Go. Go. I’m fine. See how long he goes without talking. I bet twenty seconds.” He pulled his sluggish legs onto the bed and rolling over, fell asleep.

 

Jackson sighed as he peered in at Gil and Jessie. His brother was doing better, but it was only superficially. Deep down he was hurting and haunted; just like Jackson denied being. “So, Jessie, mind if I go with you? I told Gil I’d check on Shawn,” he asked her.  

 

Jessie hesitated for a moment. It wasn’t like she had any right to stop him and she herself had said that Shawn would like seeing him again. She just hadn’t been expecting that they’d be visiting him at the same time. “Of course. Why would I stop you?”

 

Jackson shrugged. “Our history,” he said flatly. “You’re upset with me. Furious even. I get that. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He stuffed his hands into his white coat’s pockets and fiddled with a paperclip. He was nervous and doing things with his hands made him feel better.

 

“It’s been twenty-five years. I think I can handle being in the same room as you,” she commented with a small smile. She hoped that was the truth. At least he had the decency to look uncomfortable. That meant he wasn’t expecting to barge back into their lives after abandoning them all. But then again, maybe that wasn’t the best thing if he was going to walk out again. “Just don’t convince them that you’re going to stick around this time if you’re not. They went through enough last time you left.” They all had.

 

“Yeah, it has. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t ready to face me. Gil’s not. He’s mad as a wet hen,” Jackson pointed out, falling in step with Jessie. He wanted things to be easy. He wanted them to have reunited on different terms. But things didn’t always happen the way they planned. “I am not going to make any promises I can’t keep. I can assure you I am staying around this time.” Besides, it wasn’t like he could breach his contract and just up and disappear on everyone and everything.

 

“I guess we’ll see about that,” she told him as she wrapped her arms around herself. She hadn’t meant for that to come out quite as harsh as it had. So, in a gentler voice,  she added, “I really hope you’re telling the truth. They’ve missed you.” And maybe she had too, but he didn’t get to just show up and get to know that. Not that easily.

 

“I mean it, Jessie. I really do. Not only did I just start working here, but I bought a house… and I’m getting married. She’s a lawyer. Her name’s Marina. I wouldn’t dream of uprooting her life,” he blurted. “And I’ve missed them. I think about them every day. I was trying to figure out how to call Shawn and Gill just the other night.”

 

“Maybe one day we’ll get to meet her then,” Jessie commented. “It’s good that you’re here, in person. I’m not sure Gil would take your call.” She glanced over at the elevators, then back over at Jackson and asked, “Want to take the stairs?”

 

“Marina and I were just talking about guests,” he agreed, although they probably would want to meet her sooner rather than later. “But, let’s not double date? That would be a little weird right off the bat. Gil told me you and him were together. I’m glad you two have each other.”

 

“Definitely no double dates,” she agreed. “I’m glad you have someone too, Jackson.”

 

He looked over at the elevators. “Yeah. I’ll race you. Last one to the fifth floor buys the other a doughnut,” he bargained with a grin. Jackson didn’t like elevators, either, but he could ride them without a panic.

  
Unless the elevator got stuck or there were a lot of people waiting, the odds were not exactly in her favour, but nonetheless she was up for the challenge. “You’re on.” She lunged for the door to the stairwell and hoped it would take some time for the elevator to get there. At least she had the advantage of knowing Shawn’s room number on her side.


	3. Chapter 3

 

_This almost felt like the old times. Jessie and I used to race all the time - on bike, on roller skates, swimming, on foot, you name it. She won always fair and square even if I claimed to let her win. So this race up the stairs was nice. For a moment, we were kids again (at least in my mind we were)._

 

Jackson rested his hands on his knees, panting hard. “You still like raspberry Danish?” he panted, looking up at her with a broad smile. “Jeeze, Jessie I think you’ve gotten quicker. I didn’t think it was possible.”

 

“Or maybe you’ve just gotten slower,” she teased, letting a genuine smile cross her features. She took a couple of seconds to catch her breath before she added, “Raspberry Danish sounds perfect. You can get it for me after we see Shawn.”

 

“I’ll have you know I polled top five in the last ten marathons I ran,” Jackson huffed, feigning exasperation at the whole situation. “Perfect, but you have to buy your own coffee. A deal’s a deal. So, after you?”

 

Running marathons? Wow, she really didn’t know Jackson anymore. “I should have known there’d be a catch, but you’re right. I’ll pay for the coffee,” she agreed with an eye-roll.

 

“There’s always a catch. I never mentioned coffee anyway. So I’m keeping my word,” Jackson pointed out. “And hey… stop looking at me like that! Marathon running it takes my mind off things. Besides, when you see a half dozen enlarged hearts due to heart failure you make some life changes.”

 

She turned away from him and knocked on the open door to Shawn’s room. The house was going to be very quiet if Shawn and Gil were both here, not that she would probably go home without them for more than a few minutes and she doubted she would get much sleep either way.

 

Shawn raised a hand and waved at Jessie. He might not be able to talk, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t answer. Having his tonsils removed sucked. He hated not being allowed or able to talk. Seeing Jackson, he frowned and wrote, ‘Where’s G?’

 

“Downstairs,” Jessie responded. “We got stuck in the elevator and he didn’t react well, but he’s fine now.” She glanced over at Jackson before looking back to Shawn as she added, “He wanted me to tell you ‘no closets’. Whatever that means.” Even though she was living with both of them, she knew that Shawn and Gil were close in some ways that she would never understand.

 

Jackson eyed Jessie and sighed. He’d promised not to tell Shawn. Shawn didn’t need the worry. But it was out now. Jackson rubbed his eyebrow as he thought about ‘no closets’. “They locked Gil in a closet back at Quitman,” he whispered, explaining so that Shawn didn’t have to speak. “Shawn found him once and…So Gil doesn’t like small spaces. I can’t believe he even stepped on the elevator.”

 

“I talked him into it,” Jessie admitted with a frown. “I didn’t know. Gil doesn’t talk about Quitman much. Or at all, really.” If she had known she never would have pressured him into going on the elevator. Why hadn’t he just told her that there was a reason behind not wanting to get on it?

 

Shawn and Jackson nod in unison. ‘None of us talk about Quitman. We made a pact. It’s easier, Sis.’ Shawn wrote. He held the paper up so Jessie and Jackson could read it. ‘No idea why they put him there, though.’

 

“Quitman changed us, Jessie. It’s not a place any of us like to think about or talk about. Like Shawn wrote, we made a pact not to talk about it. I guess that pact’s over,” Jackson sighed. “I don’t even know what all went on back then especially to Gil. I wish I did.”

 

Jessie knew that she should be happy that they were finally letting her in on a little of what had happened. She had known they’d come out different, but not why. Still, it didn’t seem right finding out about what happened to Gil from the man who had abandoned him. Jackson said he was staying this time though so maybe it would be different now.

 

“I get that. Or at least I get it as much as I can as someone who wasn’t there, but you guys know that you can talk to me about this stuff. Right? I’m not going to think any differently of you or tell anyone,” Jessie assured her friends. “I just want to know what’s going on.”

 

She just wanted Gil to talk to her instead of trying to white-knuckle his way through things. He didn’t even need to explain everything. She just wanted to know when she was making him do something that made him so uncomfortable.

 

Shawn nodded. ‘Yeah, of course, Sis. We never thought you would. It’s just a time that’s not entirely pleasant,’ Shawn wrote. Talking would be so much easier right now. He could say more and explain it better.

 

“I know you do, Jessie. It wasn’t easy. They did things, really bad things, to us. We’ve all tried to forget. We all did things to try to forget. Me, I ran. Gil, he blocked it,” Jackson whispered. “He is still blocking it I’m sure. But he’s going to break some day and it’s not going to be pretty. I wish I could help him. I wish I knew what they did to him. It was more than what Boots, Shawn, or me went through, though. They took him away some nights, but they’d always bring him back.”

 

Jessie had thought that Gil had been having trouble sleeping because she had been in his bed, but now she wondered if that was the only reason he had been losing sleep. She wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t want to think about what might have happened that was bad enough Gil had blocked it out. “Maybe it’s better that he blocked stuff out,” she suggested with a hint of hope in her tone. Although she also wondered if it was worse for Gil not knowing all of what had happened to him. It must be like regularly waking up after a night out drinking without any memory of the night before - only knowing that something horrible happened.

 

“I just wish you guys could really forget. About all of it,” Jessie admitted. Or that she could go back in time and stop them from protecting her so that they never would have ended up at Quitman in the first place. “This is my fault. I’m the reason the four of you ended up there.”

 

“Don’t know,” Shawn rasped. He knew he shouldn’t talk. Technically he wasn’t allowed to talk, but writing stuff down just took too long. There were just too many thoughts about the subject to hold it in. “Some ways it’s a good thing…”

 

“And in other ways it’s not. It’s eating him up inside, Jessie. It is going to come out in some way or form. A guy can’t hold it in forever,” Jackson added, trying to keep Shawn from hurting his throat. “And, Jessie, it’s not. If we hadn’t come along you would’ve been killed that day.”

 

“Maybe,” Jessie agreed reluctantly. At the time, she had been convinced that the worst thing would have been getting into that car. Now, she wasn’t sure which option would be worse. “I don’t know how to help him, but at least if he does lose it we’ll be here for him.”

 

Jackson shook his head. He sure didn’t know how to help him, either. He didn’t even know adult Gil. But Jackson would be there for him even if Gil claimed he didn’t need any help.

 

“If we had to do again, we would,” Shawn whispered instead. He coughed a little and eyed Jackson. Then he wrote, ‘When did you become some hotshot doc?’

 

“I went into med-school after I left,” Jackson responded. “I wanted to have a job where I was helping people. I couldn’t stand the idea of just sitting in an office all day at a job that doesn’t really matter. What about you? What have you guys been up to?”

 

“They, Gil and Shawn, are a work in progress,” Jessie answered, eyeing Shawn. He knew he wasn’t allowed to talk and she was going to do anything to keep him quiet. “They own their own construction company here in the city.”

 

Jackson was curious about Jessie, but he didn’t want to push too hard so he decided to leave it alone for now. Instead, he went along with the direction she had taken the conversation as he turned to Shawn and joked, “I’m surprised you and Shawn don’t get sick of each other, working together every day.”

 

‘G’s my bro, Jackie Boy. We’d never get tired of each other,’ he scrawled. ‘Well we generally don’t get tired of each other unless we scarf each other’s leftovers. We go and chill… do our own thing, ya know?’

 

“They are practically glued to the hip,” Jessie joked. “We live together. Gil, Shawn, and me. We all pooled our money to buy a two-story on Elm.”

 

“Wow, so you live together,” Jackson repeated, unable to hide his surprise. He realized how that might come off and quickly added, “The three of you.” Boots, Gil, Shawn, and he used to talk about living together when they grew up, but none of them had ever really thought it was going to happen. It had just been a way to pass the time in Quitman. They’d think to themselves maybe this sucked, but one day they would be out of there and they’d live together in a huge house. They’d made more plans on it than could be considered reasonable, but it had been one of the better ways to pass the time in there.

 

“Have you seen the gas prices? Shit, Jackie. I was considering selling a kidney,” he blurted before writing, ‘Besides, Jessie found the place close to her restaurant. Sis runs a restaurant now. So one thing lead to another…’

 

“Yeah, the three of us. Boots still lives in Brennan. You’ll probably be seeing him around here soon. Not just to check on Shawn, but his wife’s due to have a baby in a couple weeks,” Jessie added, ignoring the note Shawn wrote. It felt like bragging to talk about it and she hated bragging. “I’m sure he’d like to see you. Annie’s a sweetheart. You’d like her.”

 

“I can’t believe that Boots is married, let alone has a baby on the way,” Jackson admitted. Who would have thought Boots would have been the first of them to get married? Or so he thought, anyways. “How long ago did that happen?”

 

“I can’t believe it either. He’s really happy. Over the moon,” Jessie gushed with a happy smile. “Uh...let’s see...coming on two years now. They were together barely six months before Boots proposed. I thought it was too fast, but realized I was biased. Here’s a tip, don’t ask a two time divorcee about proposing.”

 

Two time divorcee? Surely he must have heard that wrong. “Well, I’m hoping that there aren’t going to be any more proposals in my future,” Jackson admitted. Proposing once had been nerve-wracking enough, even though he had been fairly convinced that Marina was going to say yes. “I’m glad Boots is happy. What about you, Shawn? Any lucky lady in your life?”

 

“Not everyone has as bad of luck with marriages, Jackson,” she consoled with a smile. “And you’re different. I think that’s what got me into trouble. I went for _not Jackson Brooks_. One of the guys was in the Army. We moved around too much. I didn’t like it. The other, he had a drinking problem. He was a good guy when sober, but a lot like my mom when he wasn’t.”

 

Shawn snorted. “You gotta be joking. I’ve got a half of dozen lucky ladies in my life. I don’t need one girl. That’s common folk stuff, ya hear?” he told Jackson, which in turn made Jessie roll her eyes.

 

“Three of those people are Annie, your mother, and me. Come on, Jackson. We better let Shawn rest. He’s not going to shut up as long as we’re here,” Jessie suggested. Shawn loved to talk just as much as Gil did. She knew that Shawn would never stop if they stayed any longer.

 


End file.
